wanna buy present for myself!

wanting to buy a baby -G but bb had been stopping me. he better dun buy one for me. coz i duno what colour to get. sad to say, im quite broke.. -.-" and i didn't spend money myself. which is the worse. i wanan get a few things for myself and now i got to think. y i need to try to save and spend within my budget when i shldn't be doing this at all. i dun think i shld be the one to lead a cash-tight life when i have plenty. im starting to lose my cool even at work when i find that this world is not being fair to me. whenever i go, ppl seek help from me. and whenever i need help, it just happen that no one will be there. life is draining me up. recently, i do felt like giving up. i didn't get what i wanted, base on my effort. i need a direction. to continue to hold on, or just let it go. i need that little of assurance. so what my colleague said im good enough. it doesn't come from my boss. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR im moody