some little thoughts

i think i know myself very well.

in order to stop. Shark must tell me that he doesn't feeling a single thing for me.

but so far, he too acknowledge his feelings.

yet, he is suppressing it.

which is the most shity part.

last Tuesday while we are going for drinking session.

i tried very hard not to hold his hands,

and there's abit awkwardness inside the car.

we tried to converse normally.

which turned out pretty ok.

but just when start drinking,

true feelings surface.

shits.

im hurt. all over.

y i just can't let it go.

the sense of protecting the shark is very strong.

be it shark, or the company or the interest or the workers.

i always have this tolerance and understanding towards them.

maybe we had been working together for so long.

and ive mistook this level of understanding as another level of feelings.

i know that im that friendly, and that warm to ppl. that most ppl would want to hang out with me.

i know that i got that charisma to charm ppl.

i know that i got the abilities to make things mine.

i know my strength and i know my weakness.

how i wished im single.

being single make me tired physically.

with the household chores, and little time to rest.

but i enjoyed the moment, and the space for myself, although xiaobai is around, without him i would had felt lonely.

but being alone doesn't meant u need to feel lonely.

i can be happy alone.

these few days while im at Hong kong,

my mind is just abt shark,

he has no idea how much im missing him.

he has no idea how much i want to care for him.

being alone for these 2 days make me wonder..

am i on the right track.

i can easily jio ppl to drink last time.

but now..

its more of complicated.

because i know too much.