my life

my leg hurts for no reason and yeah, i dunO how am i supposed to help myself to my bed. for those thinking why,
yeah i slept the upper deck.
and the only time i managed to sleep the lower deck was when Yun isn't around or when i have some medicinal conditions. (my last year aug.. heh heh)
so.. since its still a bit early,
den i might as well blog smth..
=)
well..
my life has been a mess and it had been in a mess for many many months. there are so much things i wanna do, or i need to do, are not done.
i've missed out plenty of stuff,
and many times, i wanted to be true to myself.
always trying to be the one that everybody knows,
its so tiring.
but just when i wanted to find someone to talk,
and when i see the person,
i just forget my problems.. which in fact there are some things i haven't get over it..
Yes, friends do really listens to you, share ur negative energy, lighten ur burden.
i'm really grateful to those who were there. =)
but just when i saw my friends, i just want to spend time, quality time -Bitching, talking, laffing, gossiping together; and times i got myself drunk with those moments..
it was another fact that my night life is in a mess.. got myself immune to some stuff, played too hard, lost the innocence.. i've listen too many honeyed tongued words that i find heart felt words are "so-so" only..
not even i can understand.
i've tried to understand myself, thats explain y i was hanging around in the horoscope thing.
i find it accurate.. not 100% but at least it enlighten me in some ways; "that's life should be". i find myself more like a follower den a leader. which is not supposed to be. i've lost the firm side of me. or it should be, since when i'm firm to ppl?
remember? last year i said i want to change my wardrobe?
yeah, inaction. although there are some dresses in. but i still didn't wear them.
then i realized, its me, the "Can't be bothered to do anything" me. i totally refused to be in control, just felt that i'm so childish.
Running away from problems.

No wonder i felt tired. felt like a wimp today.. feeling so whiny and trying to find excuses.

Be strong yeah? and stop repeating the same old stuff. its boring to type the same old- same old stuff again and again.

where's the arrogant, snObbish, proud, loud Yan gone too?